just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Found the puke drawer
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
