Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
