i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
