apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
