The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
