Your face is a jimmy john
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
