You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Text me some of your sweat
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
