Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
