Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
