3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
