It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
