I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
