Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
