1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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