Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
