do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
