Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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