I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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