"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
