Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
