I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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