dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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