Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
