I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
