its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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