things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
