i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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