I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We are all done wearing pants today
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
