I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this will be a night to untag.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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