you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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