therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
