after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
