I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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