dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
