i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
