I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
