you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
