I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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