apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
