Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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