if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i need to put some appletini on your dick
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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