I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
