Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
