I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
