Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
