When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
