I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
