? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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