you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
