how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
